


Last Hope

by ppersephones



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Destroy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, POV Kaidan Alenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:19:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8494975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ppersephones/pseuds/ppersephones
Summary: The Reapers are defeated, the war is won. Everyone deserve their happy ending and Kaidan won't give up until he has found Shepard.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of N7 day, here's my first piece of fanfiction! I hope you'll enjoy it, and happy N7 Day 2016 to all of you ♥.

_Nobody could have survived that._

But she was not ‘nobody’ – her whole life was a big ‘ _fuck you_ ’ to Death itself. She died when the Collectors attacked the Normandy, but that did not stop her. She almost died destroying the Collectors’ base, beyond the Omega 4 relay. She had been ready to sacrifice herself for the galaxy, yes, but dying was never part of her plan – or at least, Kaidan hoped so. ‘ _I don’t die easily_ ’, she once said to him with a dry smile. He wanted to believe her. He believed her. 

He would not let her down this time, even though the chances that she was alive were close to zero. He had a glimpse of hope and kept holding on to it, despite all odds. She was alive, he knew it, somewhere in his heart. Some called him delusional. Some admired the faith he had. 

Coming back to the Sol System was a long process - with the relays down, it took them days, weeks or maybe even more, so long, Kaidan lost track of the time; holding on to every last bit of hope he could find.  
When they asked for volunteers to help clean the debris, he did not hesitate a second. It was his chance to find her. Alive, he wished. But if she was dead as they said… Maybe finding her body would give him closure – a way to grieve, at last. 

But when Kaidan finally reached the Citadel, in his mind, she was alive, somewhere, struggling to stay alive. He had to find her, even if it took him days. It did not matter to him – all he had to do, all he wanted to do, was find her.

He was a great help; he could put his biotics to a good use - moving fragments, mostly - and the task was absorbing enough for him not to think too much. Soldiers who were assigned to the Citadel’s reconstruction were surprised to see the major joining them, but he simply answered that he was a man like anyone, wanting to help – which was true. But some knew how deeply he cared about Shepard, or maybe just knew he used to be part of her squad. Nevertheless, his help was gladly welcomed and the hard work he put into it appreciated, especially since he rarely took any breaks. 

“You don’t need to get yourself exhausted,” Liara said, who came to see him after spending some time on her home planet. “I know you’re determined, but…” 

“I’m not going to sit and wait. She might be out here, needing medical help for who knows how long.” Kaidan snapped, rather abruptly, which was unusual for him. He clenched his fists. 

“I know, I know…” Liara sighed and smiled softly as she put her hand on his. If she found his determination stupid, she did not mention it. Instead, she simply said: “I’ll help you. We’ll be more efficient together.” 

He eventually nodded, appreciating the kindness of the Asari. Maybe everyone else on the Normandy thought he had gone crazy. Maybe they had given up on her – but it did not matter. Seeing that at least one person was willing to help him despite everything… His heart warmed up a little. 

Days went by — he would only sleep when his legs could not support him any longer, when migraines would make him too sick to move. He would wake up at the earliest hours of the day, before everyone else and drag himself out there, looking for her. He would not listen to anyone who would tell him to get some rest – or worse, to give up. _Have they all given up on her?_ , he thought.  
Days went by — no trace of her anywhere. He was starting to lose hope, the flame that kept him going was fading and yet he was refusing to even think about the painful possibility of losing her for good. It was no longer faith or determination now - but blindness, as he kept himself oblivious from the truth that was too hard for him to admit.  
Days went by — 

“Major Alenko?” The voice that dragged him out of his stupor was young and Kaidan raised his gaze only to meet a young soldier - barely old enough to be enlisted, barely old enough to witness a war. Bright eyes, freckled face and a look of innocence the war did not managed to break - Kaidan felt a pinch in his heart; that boy had survived this war, the Reapers and could live to see the bright future that lies ahead… Which was more than most people. 

With a nod, the older marine invited him to talk. 

“I may have found something— someone. But I think it would be better if you came to see yourself.” He said, hesitantly. 

Kaidan’s heart missed a beat and he almost dropped everything. _Someone_ , not something! The flame in his heart found itself reanimated, and he could not help but hope . He still kept his emotions under control, at least outwardly and grunted in approval. 

“You did good.” He mumbled to the young officer. “Go ahead, I’m right behind you.” 

Silently, the soldier acknowledged his order and led him to the site. Kaidan swallowed, a lump in his throat and having a hard time not getting his hopes up – this was the first ‘someone’ they found in days. Who else could it be? Who else? His heart was beating loudly, almost drowning out every other sound. 

“Over there, Major.” The boy pointed toward a pile of rocks. “We haven’t move anything yet, we’re waiting for your orders.” 

“Okay,” He could not look away, his heart beating in his chest so loud, he could barely hear himself talk. “I’ll let you know if I need anything.” Kaidan wanted to be alone, when finding her - if she was dead, he… He refrained his thoughts. 

He moved toward the site indicated by the soldier, silently repeating the same prayer, holding on to the words to give himself hope: _Please, let it be her, alive. Please, let it be her, alive…_

At first, Kaidan moved the rocks carefully with his biotics; if Shepard was there, the last thing he wanted was to injure her more by accident. However, he soon gave up on employing his abilities, rather using his bare hand to move the smaller debris.  
He felt like the whole world had stopped moving as he dropped on his knees and only focused on clearing away the rocks, ignoring the pain when it scratched the palms of his hands. 

Kaidan stopped breathing, his heart stopped beating – only for a second, maybe less, but it was long enough to make it seem like time had stopped.  
He stood there, breathless. 

He saw the familiar N7 sign, the burned and melted armor, the dog tags – it was enough for him to know.

Kaidan knew. It was her, right here, in front of him, her --! 

_Is she alive?_

It took all the strength in the world for Kaidan not to rush to her and act with caution as he was overwhelmed by emotion – she was here! He found her! All he wanted was for her to be alive now, to be able to touch her, feel her, be with her… Instead, he softly brushed against her arm, observing the body – _no. Not the body. Her._

His hand found hers – cold, so cold, when it used to be warm, full of life - and he softly pressed it against his lips, his heart sinking further into his chest.

_Please, be alive. I need you._

She breathed.  
Faintly.  
It was barely noticeable. 

Maybe he imagined it. Maybe it was just a hallucination. 

He could swear she was breathing. He moved his free hand in front of her mouth to feel her breath. 

Had he finally lost his mind? Was the lack of sleep causing him to see, feel things? Was he delirious? Was this simply a very realistic dream? 

He felt her breath against his skin, sending shivers through his body. 

“Please, Shepard. I need a sign that this is real…”

He shook his head – how could she answer? How could he be so blind? How could he not accept the fact that she was gone for good now? Maybe losing her made him lose his last bit of sanity, after all.

He brushed her hand with his thumb, feeling her skin – just one last time, maybe…

He felt her fingers move against his hand, closing on his hand. 

“We need medical support here!” He gasped. It did not matter what they would think – maybe they would think he completely lost it and maybe they were right. But he could not risk it. He would rather be locked up because he lost his mind than letting her die. 

Medics pushed him aside when they got there, in what seemed a second. His eyes were locked onto the scene and Kaidan did not immediately realized that Liara was next to him, holding his hand tightly.

“She’s breathing.” someone said.

“I’ve got a pulse.” Another medic said. 

“Hurry up, we need to move her as soon as possible!”

There was a rush, he could tell, but it was like he could see the scene in slow motion – the medics, the soldiers working fast to get her out of there… She was alive! He was not crazy, he was not delirious, he was right! 

He watched her get lifted out of the debris and carried away – instinctively, he followed them to the vehicle, forgetting to breathe.

“Are you coming with us, Major?” asked one of the medics.

“Uh...” He looked over at Liara, questioning her without a word and with a small head gesture, she told him to go. “Yeah.” He quickly answered, before getting on board. His heart was beating frantically. _She is alive!_

*

She was badly injured. All doctors agreed that it was a miracle she managed to stay alive so long before the emergency services came. ‘She sure is a fighter’, assured one of them to Kaidan. He quietly nodded, listening to the various beeps, watching the machines that were linked to her. She was severely burned on multiple parts of her body: huge damage due to the armor melting, bone damage, head trauma… Yet she was alive. And somehow recovering, slowly, but surely. He walked into the room, sitting next to her and holding her hand.

‘ _I don’t die easily_ ’, she once said to him with a smile.

He believed her, he really did. 

He smiled. 

She was there, she was with him, and _she was alive_.


End file.
